


Say Something (I'm giving up on me)

by WintersHell



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Feamale Steve Rogers, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Steve Rogers, Seriously there be Violence ahead, Service Dogs, Violence, fem!steve rogers - Freeform, kind of slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-24 21:28:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14962497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WintersHell/pseuds/WintersHell
Summary: “I know you,” He suddenly whispered, his eyes traveling to stare up at her lips. “I-I know you, but I can’t remember from where,” he shook his head, his eyes clenching shut. “I remember your hair, I remember you being smaller. Are you a lie? You were smaller. Are you something else they’ve put in here? Another lie?” Now that he was talking he didn’t seem to be able to stop. But with every word, Stephanies heart clenched harder and harder. “They told me things. Lies? I had to see. I’m supposed to go back, but can't. I don’t want the pain anymore. But it hurts now. More than before. Somethings wrong with it, and I can’t fix it. I want it off.”





	Say Something (I'm giving up on me)

**Author's Note:**

> So I needed something to fix my breaking heart after seeing Infinity War, but I also wanted to write something had nothing to do with that Movie. So I decided I needed to write this. Its going to be a long ride, and I promise the chapters will get longer as this goes on. I just needed to write this intro. But anyways, I hope you enjoy, its has no Beta, but i will try and fix any mistakes I find. This fic will be updated every other day. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

Something was off. 

Between the serum, and the war, Stephanie had become a very light sleeper. It had been since in Tony’s tower. After the initial getting use to it, and new surrounding thing, she had settled in nicely and had had some of the best sleep she could remember. But things were different know. She’d needed her own space--to think, to breathe, to just be. The thing about living alone, in some rickety apartment was that Stephanie never truly settled. So she was now accutely aware that there was something off. 

Not moving from her position in bed, she glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was just after two in the morning. There was no blinking green light on her phone indicating a call, so there was someone in her apartment. Doing a quick survey of her room and finding it empty, she grabbed her shield and silently slipped from her bed. 

Slowly, her shield raised she moved through her bedroom door and down the hall. When she reached the opening into the living room she paused, holding her breath and listened. Nothing. The only sounds that greeted her were the normal city sounds. Not wanting to leave herself open to any sort of attack, she cautiously peered over her shield. 

She could just make out a figure sitting on the couch, shoulders hunched and posture none threatening. Letting her shield drop slightly, Stephanie stared at the figure. She didn’t want to hope, but something small inside her--something she had been trying to hide for what seemed life forever--bubbled up and wouldn’t be suppressed. She knew the line of those shoulders. She knew them like the back of her own hand. Buck. She had dreamed countless times of the day she finally found him. There had been so many scenarios, and yet none of them matched the one they were in know. Her standing at the end of the hall at two in the morning, while Bucky sat on her couch. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She had thought of so many speeches to make him come back with her, and yet she didn’t need them. Or at least not the ones she had prepared. 

Dropping her shield to her side, she stared at the figure hunched on her couch. There was only a little light streaming from the open window. Not enough to see him clearly, but it didn’t matter. He was here. She didn’t know what she was going to say. She didn’t want to scare him off, but she needed to say something. 

Slowly, she took a step into the living room, her eyes never leaving Bucky. So she saw the moment her shoulders tensed. He was off the couch and pressed into the opposite over, a gun trained on her head. He’d moved so fast she hadn’t had the time to react, and she knew he could pull the trigger faster than she could raise her shield. Drawing in a shaky breath, she watched as the man her heart, mind, and soul knew so intimately pull in a breath of his own. She could just make out his eyes flicker from the gun, to her face and back again before he dropped the gun like it had burned him and clutch his head, a ragged sob tearing itself from his chest. 

All thought of self preservation seemed to escape her, as she herself dropped her shield--sending a silent apology to her downstairs neighbors--and crossing the room to stand a few feet away from the man. Know, much closer she could see just how the tremors that rocked his body as pained sobs escaped his lips. 

“Buck,” She breathed, taking another step towards him only to stop as he made a noise closer to that of a wounded animal, “Alright, alright. I won't come closer.” She made sure to pitch her voice lower and more soothing. “I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“H-hurts--” he gritted out, his body slowly sinking to the floor. 

Stephanie wanted to cry. Hearing and seeing the way he collapsed into himself his body trembling, and breaths coming in painful gasps. Slowly--making sure to telegraph her movements--she sunk to the floor, curling her legs under her. She wanted so badly to reach from him and comfort him, but she could tell his was already pushing it. But she needed to try and do something. She couldn’t just stand by and watch the man she loved struggle with whatever demons HYDRA implanted in his brain tear him apart. 

“Buck---James,” That had seemed like a safer bet, but with the way he flinched she wasn’t so sure anymore. She swallowed past the suddenly forming lump in her throat and tried again, “I want to help you. But…” She paused trying to think of something, anything she could do or say to help him.

“I know you,” He suddenly whispered, his eyes traveling to stare up at her lips. “I-I know you, but I can’t remember from where,” he shook his head, his eyes clenching shut. “I remember your hair, I remember you being smaller. Are you a lie? You were smaller. Are you something else they’ve put in here? Another lie?” Now that he was talking he didn’t seem to be able to stop. But with every word, Stephanies heart clenched harder and harder. “They told me things. Lies? I had to see. I’m supposed to go back, but can't. I don’t want the pain anymore. But it hurts now. More than before. Somethings wrong with it, and I can’t fix it. I want it off.”

It took Stephanie a moment to realize he was talking about the arm. She glanced at the metal appendage for a moment before she looked back at the man who seemed to be staring into nothing, his eyes ghosted and lost. She could see his mouth moving, but couldn’t make out the words. She felt so out of depth, but she had to do something. She knew she couldn’t even begin to touch on the arm, but she knew there was something else she could do. 

“Buck, I’m not a lie,” She whispered, “I promise I’m not a lie. I had to do things to get to you in the war. I needed to do something to help,” She knew he probably didn’t remember any of what she was talking about, but she couldn’t stand to let him keep thinking she was a lie.

“But I know you, and I don’t,” He whispered his eyes finally meeting hers. “You’re my mission, but you aren’t. I don’t---I don’t understand.” 

“I know,” She whispered. Deciding she couldn’t sit by and do nothing she took a breath and pushed forward, making sure he could tell what she was doing. Slowly she moved closer till she was close enough to touch him, “I know everything is confusing. I was confused too,but I’m here.” 

For a long moment he stared at her, his eyes searching before he shuddered, the grip in his hair tightening, “I don’t know what I’m suppose to be doing,” he whispered. 

Stephanie knew she was being selfish, but she couldn’t help it. It had been so long since DC, and knowing he was alive and out there somewhere--it had killed her. She had wanted to devote every second of her time to finding him. But now he was here. He was with her and all she wanted was for him to stay. She didn’t care about the ups and down. She would help him through whatever he needed.   
“Stay,” She whispered swallowing, “Let me help you,” 

He stared at her for a long moment before a shuddered traveled through him. Stephanie watched as he slowly lowered his hands from his head, and his face became blank. For a moment she regretted the words that slipped from her mouth. She opened her mouth to try and fix whatever she could, but….

“Ready to comply,” 

TBC....

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos/Comments are life.


End file.
